Kiss this!

“I, Did all I could, So kiss this one more time, ’cause I’m gone for good.” ~Kiss This By The Struts.

*IT’S ABOUT TIME I DO A STRUTS SONG!!!!! GOD, I LOVE THIS BAND!*

I tend to get rid of EVERYTHING as soon as a relationship is over.  I hate having anything left over.  But there are still photos living in my phone left over from when we took them.  I can’t get rid of them.  I like to look at them and feel nothing.  Could I actually be looking at them and feel nothing?

I remember the pointless apologies.  They didn’t mean anything not because the person didn’t mean them but because I didn’t want them.  What I wanted was to wake up from the nightmare that was those days.  Yet instead I woke up to an “I’m sorry…”  But they didn’t change anything.  It didn’t change the ache.

I like to look at the pictures and know that there is a huge chance we’ll never look at each other as friends.  And I like that.  I like knowing that we’ll go in completely different directions.  I like knowing that the fact that they burned my heart and walked on the ashes doesn’t just hurt me.  I like that they have to deal with the fact that they drove my soul into the ground.  I like to know in a few years we will me in different states and maybe even different countries.

Does that make me a terrible person?

It happened and it’s done.  I’m glad that seeing me tears them apart.  Because they tore me apart bit by bit.  So THEY have to deal with the fact that I’ll never see them like I did when we first met. Because my heart healed.  Time has passed.  Somebody said they still feel regret.  And I’m finally able to say “Who cares?” because yes, it sucks for them.  But maybe they’ve learned to do things differently.  I hope that they feel the slight sting because I KNOW that I felt it so much stronger for so much longer.

~Colorful Daydreamer

In loving memory…..

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This Wednesday the earth has lost the darling cat, Maxine.  Many people had different nicknames for her for my best friend it was “the fat one”.  My ex-girlfriend called her “bread cat”.  But everyone at home called her “Punkin”.

She was my little brother’s cat from day one.  (He’s the one holding her in the picture)

She never loved to be held but everyone loved to hold her.  Some people said it was like holding a panda bear.  But she would roll over and let you rub her stomach and run around

We (my mother and I) took her to the vets for worms.  She was her usual playful self.  Running around and rolling around on the floor letting the vet scratch her stomach.  I mean she was TOTALLY healthy. (except for the fact that she had worms)—Then they gave her the pill.  They had to give it to her in four pieces to make it easier for her.  This stressed her out so much.  Which is normal. What cat wants a pill shoved down their throat?  We put her back in her carrier and brought her home.  (Note: The carrier is a cardboard box with holes in it from the shelter.)  Since this was her first time to the vets since she was a kitten because she was only two years and 5 months old we didn’t think much of her being stressed. Plus we only live 15 minutes from the vet so we’d be home soon.

When we got home my mother took the carrier into the bathroom (where Maxine’s bed is).  She opened up the carrier and Maxine had passed.  So my mother went back to the vets with Maxine’s body.  They did an autopsy and found that her heart muscles were strained.  She had a heart attack…

My mother and I have been blaming ourselves for what had happened for the past few days.  We both wish we had realized how unhappy she was.  She cried on the way back. But she cried on the way there too when she stopped we thought she just wore herself out.

She will be missed by all of us including other pets.


A small thank you to all the people who have given me little things and boxes of things and hugs.  I appreciate all the sympathy I’ve received because of this.  And even though life hurts at the moment they have made it a little easier.

Thank you all so much!

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Lame

When you want to write

but your mind stays as blank as the paper

When you want to draw

but it ends up being scribbles

When you want to do something

but nothing seems entertaining

When you want to listen to music

but end up skipping every single song

when you’re hungry

but nothing looks appetizing

When you want to hang out or talk to people

but everyone is busy


This is me today.  I have to make a cake soon because it’s thanksgiving tomorrow.  But that’s all the plans I have for today.  I’m just having a lame day.  Which a lazy day is good once in a while but I would much rather be out doing something.

Life is Beautiful

“A father’s love, A wedding dance, New Year’s dreams, A toast with friends, A soldier coming home from war, The faith the hope of so much more, A brand new life, a mother’s prayer, Shooting stars, ocean air, A lover’s kiss, and hard goodbyes, Fireworks, Christmas lights-These are things that make us feel alive.” ~Life is Beautiful by The Afters

Well, it’s that time of year again.  Time to give thanks and be grateful.

I think that being grateful is so important.  I think looking at life as a whole is an important thing.  I believe that people should take the time and remind themselves that they have something to look forward to.  Whether it’s something that is happening the next day or the next year.

Feeling alive starts with gratitude.  Whether it is something in the quote or not. We all have something that makes us think “I’m alive.”

I grew up in a small house on a lake in the middle of the woods.  Ever since I was really little I have loved nature.  I’ve always felt so much happier outside.  I’ve always loved the way the leaves sound and how the air smells as the seasons change.

To look at your life and tell yourself that there is nothing to live for is something a lot of people do (including myself).   I constantly remind myself what I’ll never get to experience if I were to take my life.  I do think a lot about what I have been so lucky to experience in my lifetime.

I think we all need to take moments to be outside of the moment or our person.  I think that we need to think about what is going on around us.  And to appreciate things that are close to us.

Be grateful today and every day.  EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE!  I can not stress that enough.  Because when you tell someone that you are grateful for them it will make both of your days so much better.

Take this time to think about what you’re grateful for.

~Colorful Daydreamer

“The Happy Girl”

I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.”~Buddy the Elf

I’ve always been known as the smiley girl.  I just love to smile and look at the beautiful things in life.  I think that the most upsetting things are opportunities.   I look at failure as an opportunity to improve, I look at tragedy as an opportunity to show more compassion.  Of course, I get upset. (You can see that if you look at my other posts.) But I usually cheer up very quickly.  Especially if I write about how I feel.

Reasons I smile:

#1 BECAUSE I CAN! Unless there is a really good reason why I shouldn’t be smiling I’m going to smile.  Why wouldn’t you smile?  I do believe that smiling is contagious.  I love smiling at someone and then they smile back.  It makes me happy having the simplest of connections with someone.

#2 My Best friend: It doesn’t matter how far apart we are or even if I’m talking to her.  Just thinking about the crazy things we’ve done and all of her little quirks makes me smile. (I’ll probably write a blog post about her as well)

#3: The beat in my head: I sing and dance to the songs in my head.  I sometimes don’t realize I’m doing it.  But I like not caring if people see me or hear me.  I often have a happy song on my mind.  But if I have a sad song it probably is making me feel better by singing or dancing to it.

#4 My brother: My brother are practically opposites.  But he makes me laugh.  He is two years younger than me but he’s the person that I go to when I need to laugh until I cry.  I know that even though we fight sometimes if I need anybody to be beaten up he is the guy to do it.  He’d do anything for me and I love him for that.

#5 Writing: I love to write. Whether it’s publicly sharing my writing, writing letters, or writing in a journal.  Something about drawing the same 26 little symbols over and over in a different order has always amazed me.

#6 Beauty: Beauty brings me comfort.  Not my beauty (if you want to call it that). But the beauty around me.  I enjoy looking around and absorbing my surroundings and noticing new things.

#7 Sheild… Lastly and my least favorite, I use smiling as a shield.  A shield from the pain in my mind and a curtain from other people seeing it.  I think that everybody smiles for this reason.  Because they don’t want to explain the reason that they wouldn’t be smiling.

I want you to think about all the reasons you had to smile today.  I also want you to think about all the reasons you had to smile yet for whatever reason you didn’t.  What is the number one reason you smile? Is it a person? Have you told them?

Smiling is a choice.  You just have to be willing to make it.

~Colorful Daydreamer

 

 

Falling magic

Rain has always amazed me.  Droplets of water fall from the sky.  Even as the sun is shining on a summer day it could rain.  Each drop is on a different journey.  Maybe it would run off into a large body of water or into a sewer drain or fall onto somebody’s umbrella.

There has always been something about rain that makes me overwhelmingly happy.  I love walking in the rain.  I bring an umbrella but it’s more because I love to dance with it.  I live on a long windy road with about five houses on it.  I don’t have to worry about anything in the rain.  I don’t have to worry about what people think of me.  I just enjoy being me.

As each drop falls to the ground around me, I hear the drops on the trees.  The misty smell of the trees fills the air.  Puddles form in the pot holes of the dirt road.  As I walk (or dance) on the road I kick water up out of each clear puddle.

When the rain stops the water drips from the trees and collects on the grass.  All of a sudden I am aware of how cold the water feels.  I walk slowly back into my house.  I put the hot water on so I could have a hot beverage.

How music runs my life

I haven’t taken dance lessons.  I have, however, been in at least one music class since I was in the third grade.  I’ve taken choir for a total of six years and viola for three years.  I hum or sing quietly while trying to focus or while I write.  I tap my pencil to the rhythm of the songs in my head.  If someone is to catch me staring off into space there is a huge chance that there is a song on my mind.

My obsession with music goes WAY beyond my school life.  At home, I dance around the house and belt out the lyrics to my favorite songs.  I am not good at either of those things so I do it in my room with my door shut.  I listen to music nonstop.  I can’t get enough of it.  In fact, I’m listening to music as I write this.  Although, I’m easily distracted so music doesn’t help me focus.   But it makes working more fun.

I’m not picky when it comes to music. I like a little bit of all genres.  I like maybe ten country songs, I like punk, pop, and rock. I don’t really have a favorite band or favorite song.

I love to introduce music to people.  I create playlists in my mind of songs that people remind me of.  Everyone has a song that I think of the most.  Most people have about five or six songs.  Some people only have one.  It all depends on our experiences together.

~Colorful Daydreamer