I sit alone in my room to thinking about everything. I recently left her. Something I promised her and myself that I wouldn’t do.
But since I’ve left weird things have been happening. Her ex-boyfriend has been talking to me. The absolute last person that I really want to talk to. Well second to last.
He thinks I’ve forgiven him. And that things are 100% between us. Truth is that they will never be. Because I haven’t forgiven him.
He tells me things that I don’t want to hear. Like the fact that she’s pissed at me. And the fact that he still loves her. He tells me about all the times drugs have made him scream her name.
He talks about the awful bus rides. Where she talks about her current boyfriend. He tells me about how awful he feels. He talks about missing her and needing her. He says stuff about how he understands how I must feel. But the truth is he doesn’t…
I just hope that she never goes back to him… Because I couldn’t watch what she did to herself then and I couldn’t imagine now.
I left because when she and her ex-were still together I made mistakes due to how I felt. I left because I love her more than she loves me…too much more. And she has proved that…
For the past 5 months, I’ve noticed that the mention of her boyfriend’s name was sickening. I felt myself not wanting her around because she’d talk about him. But of course, I felt guilty for not being supportive.
So when the knots in my chest tightened and my head would spin just looking at her I had to go.
I felt really bad at first but I regret it less and less. The more I hear about what she tells other people the more I think that staying was a bad idea. I’m more upset about giving up on the future than I am about leaving what we had.
She asked if there was a chance that we could be friends if she and her boyfriend are dating. I never answered because I was scared of her response.
But the answer is no. And that’s why I left because I didn’t want to impact their relationship. I was done with giving her my opinions on the matters because I felt they were ignored or told to the wrong people. The words I told her in confidence went in and out of the mouths and ears of her friends.
I’ve tried talking to her. I’ve tried to make things right. I’ve tried to put things back. But I can’t. He his still an issue for me. I said I wasn’t mad but maybe I am.
Then people have said that he has been so annoying to everybody since I’ve left. DOES HE NOT KNOW THAT I LEFT FOR THE BENEFIT OF HIS RELATIONSHIP? He should be GRATEFUL that I left. And you know what? I bet he is. I wonder if he even knows that he’s the reason I left. I wonder if he knows any of the reasons. Probably not. He probably doesn’t even care.
I know that I won’t be gone forever but for now, this is the road I have to take.