I sit next to you
Can I tell you the truth?
Just not all of it
Here I am
I think of something to say
The moment quickly passes
along with my courage
So I just stay where I am
There are no words
Here I am
Sitting in one place
Sitting perfectly still
Staring at nothing
Staring into space
Hoping that you notice
Hoping that you do something
Afraid of what would happen
Afraid of feeling guilty
Here I am
I’m responding to the song “Somebody Else” by The 1975 as a quote today.
I think this song is so great. Definitely one of my newest songs I play on repeat ALL THE TIME! This song is one of many on a private playlist I made.
I think that everyone can relate to this song. Especially if somebody broke up with you for someone else. Because you don’t want them back but it hurts so badly to see them with that person. Even if you don’t have the same feelings for that person that you once did.
I’ve been dealing with a ton of anxiety over the past few weeks because of my most recent breakup. Mostly because of how much I regret. But most of all because I’m supposed to be happy. Because we both have somebody else. And she is happy.
I am happy. There are so many things that are going on in my life that I’m thankful and excited for.
I have a boyfriend now. He is so sweet. He holds me closer than I’ve ever been. He tells me the cheesiest things. (And that’s coming from me!) His hand in mine is the only thing that holds me together some days. His eyes are the most beautiful blue I’ve ever seen.
But what if this is just psychological projection. What if I don’t actually feel what I feel for him. It feels so real. But there’s that voice in my head saying “but what if it’s not?” I really care about him and I don’t know what I’d do without him at this point.
As I write this my hands become shaky, my heart begins to race, there is a rock sitting in my throat, I can feel the goosebumps on my arms and my stomach is turning. She will see this soon they both will. All the people I don’t want to see this will see this but they all deserve the truth. And I know I will be more than embarrassed. Because what I felt for her was real. And what she felt for me just…was not.
I’m afraid of what they will think. Will they talk about it? What will they say? Will they laugh? I don’t really want to know.
I just don’t know how to feel at this point. I probably will avoid people all day. Except for my best friend. Because I’m not afraid of saying the wrong thing to her. Because she is the best and respects what I think even when she probably shouldn’t.