Why

Why do you ask if I’m okay?

I’m just going to say that I am

though my heart is slowly breaking

Why do I avoid you?

“I’m busy that day” when I have no plans

I don’t respond to your messages “I was busy then too”

Why does seeing you hurt?

You’re practically my sibling

Yet sometimes when I need you most I don’t want to talk.

Why can’t you see?

You might be slowly losing me

-Colorful Daydreamer

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Best friend and Jealousy? (Quote response)

“You should leave him cause he really makes me sick” ~Just Sayin’ By Five Seconds Of Summer

My best friend has been dating my ex-boyfriend for quite some time now.  Yes, I agreed to this but only because I wanted her to realize that just because a person is better than your ex, does not mean they are perfect for you.  But it’s taking her a long time to realize this.

He does treat her well.  But he doesn’t know how to talk to people in a way that isn’t either very offensive or condescending.  I did write a blog post about him a few months ago.  He doesn’t realize that apologies are supposed to mean that you’ll try not to do what you’re apologizing for again and that apologies don’t just make it okay.

I remember her last boyfriend.  How he made her shut me out.  And I know it won’t happen again.  I’m still scared.  It’s difficult because I hate sharing her.  I’m not in love with her or anything but I know how sensitive she is.  And how easy she falls for things.

I wish she knew how difficult it is for me to spend time with them.  I wish she knew that my heart cracks when they kiss but then quickly comes back together when she flashes that same smile I’ve known for years.  I wish that she knew her boyfriend through my eyes.  I wish she knew what she deserves.

He doesn’t know how much she means to me.  He proves that almost every day.  He says that he loves her.  And that hurts too.  Because with every crush he has he tells them that he loves them.  I know that she means it and he might but there’s still a part of me thinking “but does he really?”

I won’t say she deserves me.  Because even I know that there are better people for her than me.  I hope that when she realizes that there are much better people out there than the ones that surround her she still chooses to drag me along to wherever she ends up.

I hope she knows that I love her very much.

~Colorful Daydreamer