Why do you ask if I’m okay?
I’m just going to say that I am
though my heart is slowly breaking
Why do I avoid you?
“I’m busy that day” when I have no plans
I don’t respond to your messages “I was busy then too”
Why does seeing you hurt?
You’re practically my sibling
Yet sometimes when I need you most I don’t want to talk.
Why can’t you see?
You might be slowly losing me
I sit next to you
Can I tell you the truth?
Just not all of it
Here I am
I think of something to say
The moment quickly passes
along with my courage
So I just stay where I am
There are no words
Here I am
Sitting in one place
Sitting perfectly still
Staring at nothing
Staring into space
Hoping that you notice
Hoping that you do something
Afraid of what would happen
Afraid of feeling guilty
Here I am
Do you know how much I care
Even though I just sit and stare?
As you wipe her lipstick off your face
Do you wish that mine would take its place?
Do you see me when you close your eyes
Even though she’s by your side?
As you see my name on your phone
Do you wish I would leave you alone?
Do you want me to hold you tight
Even though you think it’s not right?
As you start to fall asleep
Do you think about what we could be?
“You should leave him cause he really makes me sick” ~Just Sayin’ By Five Seconds Of Summer
My best friend has been dating my ex-boyfriend for quite some time now. Yes, I agreed to this but only because I wanted her to realize that just because a person is better than your ex, does not mean they are perfect for you. But it’s taking her a long time to realize this.
He does treat her well. But he doesn’t know how to talk to people in a way that isn’t either very offensive or condescending. I did write a blog post about him a few months ago. He doesn’t realize that apologies are supposed to mean that you’ll try not to do what you’re apologizing for again and that apologies don’t just make it okay.
I remember her last boyfriend. How he made her shut me out. And I know it won’t happen again. I’m still scared. It’s difficult because I hate sharing her. I’m not in love with her or anything but I know how sensitive she is. And how easy she falls for things.
I wish she knew how difficult it is for me to spend time with them. I wish she knew that my heart cracks when they kiss but then quickly comes back together when she flashes that same smile I’ve known for years. I wish that she knew her boyfriend through my eyes. I wish she knew what she deserves.
He doesn’t know how much she means to me. He proves that almost every day. He says that he loves her. And that hurts too. Because with every crush he has he tells them that he loves them. I know that she means it and he might but there’s still a part of me thinking “but does he really?”
I won’t say she deserves me. Because even I know that there are better people for her than me. I hope that when she realizes that there are much better people out there than the ones that surround her she still chooses to drag me along to wherever she ends up.
I hope she knows that I love her very much.
You’ll fall for my smile
as easy as I fell for yours
You’ll dream of my smile
as much as I dream of yours
You’ll look me in the eyes
You’ll ask me to dance
You’ll let me hold your hand
Maybe some day
You’ll sing to all my favorite songs
as we dance around my room
You’ll whisper that you love me
as I fall asleep next to you
But until that day comes I’ll say
“I, Did all I could, So kiss this one more time, ’cause I’m gone for good.” ~Kiss This By The Struts.
*IT’S ABOUT TIME I DO A STRUTS SONG!!!!! GOD, I LOVE THIS BAND!*
I tend to get rid of EVERYTHING as soon as a relationship is over. I hate having anything left over. But there are still photos living in my phone left over from when we took them. I can’t get rid of them. I like to look at them and feel nothing. Could I actually be looking at them and feel nothing?
I remember the pointless apologies. They didn’t mean anything not because the person didn’t mean them but because I didn’t want them. What I wanted was to wake up from the nightmare that was those days. Yet instead I woke up to an “I’m sorry…” But they didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the ache.
I like to look at the pictures and know that there is a huge chance we’ll never look at each other as friends. And I like that. I like knowing that we’ll go in completely different directions. I like knowing that the fact that they burned my heart and walked on the ashes doesn’t just hurt me. I like that they have to deal with the fact that they drove my soul into the ground. I like to know in a few years we will me in different states and maybe even different countries.
Does that make me a terrible person?
It happened and it’s done. I’m glad that seeing me tears them apart. Because they tore me apart bit by bit. So THEY have to deal with the fact that I’ll never see them like I did when we first met. Because my heart healed. Time has passed. Somebody said they still feel regret. And I’m finally able to say “Who cares?” because yes, it sucks for them. But maybe they’ve learned to do things differently. I hope that they feel the slight sting because I KNOW that I felt it so much stronger for so much longer.